Safety in Community

I spoke with the female Marakame tonight. (this all sounds very mysterious doesn't it? But I promise that it's one of the most grounded communities and healers I have ever experienced. I will take some time in the next week to see if I can explain more about them.)

I was anxious for most of the day. And irritable. I was having problems with my internet connection for most of the day which was leading me to the ends of the world in terms of aggravation. The flashing red DSL light was maddening. And making my work impossible to do. So an hour prior to the time I said that I would phone, I finally made myself stop trying to do anything (as if I were truly accomplishing anything anyhow), and I put myself on the yoga mat. It was good.

6 PM came. I phoned. An answering machine. Fuck. Really? An entire day spent with my heart wrapped in knots over this. And no answer? Fuck.

So I hung up and continued my aimless bouncing back and forth. Then a phone call with 8 . . . that evoked more than I could put here or anywhere, really. And then, I tried again, and this time I finally did connect with the female Marakame. Of course my side of the conversation with her felt rather aimless as well. None of the well-formed sentences that I had the night prior when speaking to a good friend arrived . . . she must have thought me mad. Or at the very least, quite inept in the communication department.

But beyond that, this I will say. She made me feel incredibly safe. And not just with her. But with the entire community of people in my life that have brought me to asking her for help. Including the Tsurinaame that I want to apprentice under. In only a few sentences. I could hear her heart in them. I know that I can trust these people, this community, this spiritual path to lead me home.

So, her suggestion, after we went through all of the details . . . was to have the meeting I had already scheduled with the Tsurinaame regarding my call to pilgrimage. And explain to him how things have shifted and clarified for me regarding what I feel the call is for in healing. And to share honestly that I have spoken with her, and see what his thoughts are regarding the path that would be the most beneficial to me in healing. It may be that he has some insight into all of this. It may be that he feels called to do this work with me through pilgrimage. It may be that he agrees that I should pursue the work with the female Marakame instead. I don't know. But the female Marakame has shared with me that I can be completely honest with him. That his ultimate goal in working with me, in any capacity, is to help me to heal. And that if I have any discomfort or questions, all that I need to do is share those with him, and he will respectfully hear them and help me to find comfort in the process.

So, my meeting with him is tentatively set for the morning of November 1st. We will see what comes of it and how it all unfolds.