The 4 PM Phone Call

As promised, my Plant Spirit Medicine Practitioner phoned me at 4 PM today. I was okay until around 3:30 PM, and then I began to feel teary and anxious. Which persisted up until the moment the phone rang. I put myself outside . . . in part because my iPhone seems to drop reception in my apartment, and also because I wanted my feet to be in the dirt while I talked.

It started off casually, and slowly we eased our way into the real topic of discussion. She shared with me that she had never had a client who dealt with this particular issue using Plant Spirit Medicine or Huichol Medicine, so she couldn't say from her own personal experiences as a practitioner. She did say, however, that she felt as though this is something that could essentially be considered a blockage. And as such, it would make sense that both of these approaches could possibly help me. She just couldn't give a timeframe for how long it would take, or how many treatments I would need.

She had spoken confidentially with a female Marakame (Huichol Shaman) about my questions to see if she had ever experienced anything like this with a client before. And the Marakame suggested that it was indeed something that the feathers could help. But in the same vein of thought, she could not guarantee how many treatments or how long it would take. But that certainly, it could remove the energetic imprints of it and help me to heal. I happen to know this particular Marakame - not very well - more in passing with some other things that we have crossed paths on. And she is not local to the immediate area, but I could get to her if I needed to. Or have her come to me. It is one option.

My PSM practitioner also shared that she knew someone else on the path of pilgrimage that had a similar background and whom felt called to pilgrimage specifically to heal from that part of her life. She offered to connect with her to see if she would be willing to talk with me, especially since I am also feeling the call to pilgrimage. So, making that connection, and exploring that, is an option as well.

After she opened those two doors for me, I felt it was time to explain the full picture. She did not know my reasons for traveling to see my friend . . . and she did not know that my friend was the one whom I had unraveled this experience with. So I spoke briefly about the history of our friendship, and how my friend had shared her feelings towards me, and also the circumstances that she was currently in that was causing us to be connected without a commitment. I also shared what my heart felt regarding my connection to her - the purity and clarity and peace that we have a lifetime together, not just four days. And then I shared how, on this trip, when I was hiking, I understood why this was unraveling for me now . . . how the intersection of being with someone that feels to be my partner for this lifetime is connected to the purpose work that I am engaging in with the nonprofit, my MT practice, my studies, the grantwriting . . . and how that feeds into my call for pilgrimage. Simply put, I believe that the call to pilgrimage is, in part, a call to heal this very aspect of my soul. And that in doing so, I will powerfully connect into my purpose and into my partner for this lifetime.

No small beans, aye?

It makes complete sense to my heart . . . it was my heart that called for me to go and visit my friend, even though logically it was against my better judgement. I told one of my friends (who was responsible, in the beginning for telling me 'no' everytime I wanted to take this trip) that I felt compelled by a force much larger than me, to step into this and experience it, regardless of what it brought . . . almost as if the gods were asking me to do this for reasons far beyond my own understanding. And so, with my friend's blessing, I did. I would have anyway ;) It was just nicer to have the blessing.

So if that is the case . . . and then this is what has unraveled as a result of it . . . well . . . here it is. And here I am.

I shared with my practitioner that I want to fully heal from this. Regardless of whether the woman that I believe to be my life partner, is in the picture or not. Because this, is about me. This is about wholeness. And I trust that if it is not this woman that is meant to be in my world, then there will be someone else put in place for me. I was meant to have a family and a partner. I feel that strongly as well. I'm ecstatic about my life right now and all that I have, and I know that there is more to be found and experienced, when it is time.

I trust, in this moment, that the path that I need to take in order to heal, will become apparent to me in time. Whether it is one of talk therapy, PSM, acupuncture, or Huichol Medicine. Or perhaps a combination. I do not know. But I'm certain that I will. I'm certain that something will speak to me - be it a plant, a tree, or my heart, and guide me to the appropriate means.

I cried for a little while after the phone call. It is such a relief to have so much support . . . such a good community . . . such powerful means of healing at my disposal. I am truly blessed.

And I am grateful to be who I am in this moment.

Now, it is time for a fire.