My Spiritual Life . . . Explained

So, due to a recent moment of enlightenment that has temporarily turned my world upside down, I find myself in a place where I *need* to explain my spiritual life. If I don't, then explaining what happened this weekend will not make complete sense. And each of you know that I have this annoying habit of being thorough. Let's see if I can also be concise this evening.

Sacred Fire Community - I was introduced to this community by an instructor approximately one year after I moved here. This is where it all began. I went. Sat around a fire with a group of strangers I didn't know. Simultaneously felt incredibly uncomfortable and also the strongest sense of community I had ever known. I left and didn't return to these monthly fires again for almost a year, even though they called to me, and even though I had received signs on that first night that this was to be part of my 'home'.

The above community was started by Eliot Cowan, who brought Plant Spirit Medicine (PSM) to the United States, in part due to his connection with J.R. Worsley and his studies of acupuncture. He wrote a book about it, that was recommended by the same instructor mentioned above. The first time I passed the book in the store I thought 'hooey' and kept on walking. Then, one day when I was looking for something to take me out of my head and away from all of the memorizing that I was doing for my studies, so I picked the book up again and this time, bought it. I read it from cover to cover several times, and thought about my own connections with the Sequoia trees.

I wanted to learn more about PSM, but had some deep skepticism regarding it as well, so I kept my distance. Every once in awhile I would hear that Eliot was in town speaking somewhere, but the timing never seemed to work out. Then, in December of 2008, an email for the Interspiritual Conference came across my screen. And guess who was being featured among the Elders speaking that day. I saw that there were scholarships available, and decided that if I could obtain a scholarship, then I would go. I didn't know who any of the other Elders were, only Eliot. The scholarship process was a lottery. And when I heard this I assumed that I wouldn't be chosen, so I soon forgot about it. Then just two weeks before the Conference was set to take place, I received an email stating that I had been chosen for a partial scholarship. After much hemming and hawing, I chose to accept it and decided that the worst case scenario would include hearing Eliot speak and then spending the rest of the time hiking.

Over the course of 2.5 days, my life changed. It seemed as though every moment and every person that I connected with was intentionally placed in my path to deliver something to me. Not only did I have the opportunity to meet many of the people from the fire community that I had attended, including the Firekeeper, but I also slowly found myself hearing wisdom from Elders of Indigenous cultures that echoed some of the deepest held beliefs that I had regarding nature and our relationship to it. I was completely overwhelmed. And then, on the very last day, surrounded by this beautiful community, I heard Eliot speak about the Huichol Indians and their relationship to the physical landscape. How each rock, tree, blade of grass, flower, etc was an ancestor to be listened to. And in hearing him speak, the whole world around me faded until the only thing I was aware of was his voice, and a deep aching sensation in my bones. By the time he finished, I was in tears.

Later that evening, I had the opportunity to sit with the community and watch David Wiley channel the spirit of Grandfather Fire. I was simultaneously deeply skeptical and deeply intrigued. When I went to him and offered a cigar as gratitude, I instinctively knew that there was no 'act' in what I had just seen.

I had found my community - SFC. My spiritual path - Fire. My teachers - Eliot & Grandfather Fire. And my medicine - PSM and Huichol Medicine.

The process for walking into all of this has slowly been unfolding over the past 8 months. It has been a process filled with doubt, and also filled with incredible beauty and healing. I've been the recipient of many PSM treatments which have profoundly shifted me in ways that Chinese Medicine had never been able to and I also received one Huichol Medicine session from a Marakame (Huichol Shaman) in the local community that completed the circle for me in healing from an abortion 8 years ago. I've also had the opportunity to speak with Eliot privately regarding the call I have felt to the path of the Marakame. And I will be meeting with him again to make application for pilgrimage for this.

Making application for pilgrimage has been a struggle for me to accept. I feel a bit twitchy when people use the word 'shaman'. There's a new age bent to it that is not always rooted in indigenous cultures and can be dangerous. It is also something that several years ago I would have laughed at and deemed as 'airy fairy'. But the longer that I have tried to ignore the call, the louder it has become. Essentially, at its roots, it's about bringing people back to nature in the rituals and wisdom of generations of individuals who have sustained life on this planet, in balance with the Earth.

One of the things that I found intriguing about being on the path of the Marakame, is that you are required to have a partner in order to be on the path. Being on the path is about full expression of living . . . and in their eyes, you cannot possibly be living fully if you are single. It, of course, is also about having an anchor to return to in this world, as you do this work. So, if you are single and feel called to begin this path, you can do what is called a 'boon' . . . which is essentially going to pilgrimage as a visitor and giving gratitude to the sacred site . . . and in that, setting the intention of asking the gods to provide you with someone who will be your partner in this lifetime. It would be the modern day equivalent of creating a television commercial about yourself and airing it for ten days straight across the entire world in order to find your mate. Except the gods do most of the sorting for you ;)

When I originally felt this call and spoke with Eliot, I spoke with him thinking that I would go on a boon. However, things have shifted for me in the past couple of months, and rather than use this first pilgrimage to seek a life partner (whom I already believe to be 8), I have felt deeply called to use it as an opportunity to heal from my experiences of sexual abuse and rape . . . that was part of the message I received when I was with 8 and went hiking . . . I just didn't understand the complete picture until I returned home.

There are many details that I don't know about what this path looks like. A significant amount of it is only revealed as you move forward in order to protect the sacred ways of the Huichol Indians. And some of it, I know, but I can't and won't be able to share.  But what I do know brings great comfort and joy to me . . . it resonates. And so I feel comfortable stepping forward, with all of the support that has been provided to me in the SFC, and through my PSM practitioner, the Marakames, and Eliot, into something that my heart is calling for. My connections into this community and into this spiritual path has brought so much peace and richness into my world. And the gifts continue to unfold to me daily as I find myself navigating tremendous shifts in my world, with far less distress than I have ever known before. There is an element of trust and surrender that I experience now . . . and there is also a much deeper connection to my own body and my own needs as well. I feel authentic in who I am. I feel as though I have nothing to hide with the people that I have met through these communities. That is rare. They truly have become 'home' to me.

The skepticism has remained in a smaller capacity. It's healthy, I think. It has kept me in check as I explore all of this. But in the grand scheme, the further that I allow myself to become a part of this community and listen to the call of my heart, the more beautiful my life has become.

And because I did not do such a job at being 'concise', I will leave the details of what happened this weekend to another blog entry.